Fuck the Jonas Brothers (Music)

Now, let me put this forward now. I do not hate the Jonas Brothers, I hate their music and their influence, but I have nothing against them as people. For all I know, if given time to make their OWN music WITHOUT Disney's influence, they might be able to make some decent songs. And keep in mind that this rant is made entirely focusing on that which surrounds the boys, not the boys as people, but as musicians. However, that's neither here nor there, onto the rant!

Now, the first thing about these is Joe Jonas, the vocalist. Now, many fangirls think that his voice is amazing and has so much emotion, what that really is, is him straining his vocal chords to try and reach a high pitch. That heavy breathing you hear in his singing? That's his struggling, how do I know? I do the same thing if I try and hit a pitch that's too high. So, Joe Jonas should either sing in his natural voice, or getting vocal instruction. There are so many singers who far surpass him in not just talent, but discipline. This isn't an opinion, this is a FACT. I'm not saying he's bad, but he's certainly not amazing.

Next, onto Nick and Paul Jonas, the guitarists. I'm saying this now, these boys are not necessarily hacks, but they're inexperienced and way in over their heads. You could make the argument that they're just using simplistic guitar playing, a la Green Day and Blink-182. However, Billie Armstrong is an incredibly talented guitarist whether he shows it or not, listen to the song The Judges Daughter, in it there's a solo that proves his skill. As for Tom DeLonge, well I don't really know the extent of his talent, but he is certainly able to right lyrics you can enjoy as well as riffs that actually mesh well.

This brings me to my second point, whenever "The Bros" try and use something other than chords, they go the way of simple riffs. I applaud them for this as it's good to see them at least trying, however, their riffs don't usually mesh well with whatever Joe is singing.

Now getting more technical, they are not properly utilizing their equipment. Their guitar's tones are often way too trebley and "strangled" if you will. It's a rather unpleasant sound to someone who plays guitar. And they're constantly switching guitar types! Unless the song REQUIRES a different tone, that's completely unnecessary. Let's say they need a deeper, warm tone. They should stick to their Les Pauls and set their amps right, let's say they need a brighter tone, Nick has a Les Paul with single-coil P90 pickups, those could easily produce the right tone. But no, they switch out so they can show off and keep your focus off their lack of skill, and on how pretty their guitars are.

Now, the last part of their music, the lyrics. Now, before I go on about how childish and silly their lyrics are, I am saying now that I do not claim to be a good lyricist. I have written a few decent songs, but the wording still irks me as I feel it doesn't properly convey the message. It sounds like they basically wrote an essay about a girl, separated it into Verses and Choruses and made the last words rhyme. There's nothing that catches my attention, no words above a 5th graders understanding which CAN be bad, and most of all it's the same fucking thing over and over. There is a limit to how many songs you can right about a girl before it gets ridiculous. They lack depth, complexity and they all follow the same melody, and when it breaks away from the usual boring strained melody, it's just a rip of something by Aerosmith or the like.

Now here's the thing that bugs me the most. Honestly, if you like them, that's fine, it's your choice, what makes you happy as long as it doesn't put you in danger or harm you is fine by me, live and let live. But, so many girls seem to like them because their hot, okay, you find them attractive. Again, fine by me, have fun fantasizing. But that doesn't matter when it comes to their music. A person can be the most gorgeous thing to wrap their fingers around a guitar, but that doesn't matter if they can't play. They're musicians, not models, you should listen to something because it sounds good, not because of how they look. Because really, looks matter very little when you're listening to a CD where you can't see then. Unless you stare at a picture of them while you listen which is just a tad creepy.

And to end this rant, the very last section. Their influence. Fine, take away the rest of what I've said, say I'm wrong, but this is indisputable and anyone who thinks this is wrong is a fucking twit, not excluding my own family and friends. They are contributing to the assholes who are soiling genres. Nowhere should the words Rock and Jonas Brothers ever come together. They are a Pop band with guitars in it, nothing more. They do not have the talent and melodic capabilities to be considered a rock band, or even a pop rock band. And no I'm not fucking jealous, I wasn't jealous of them before I met my girlfriend and I'm certainly not jealous now that I'm with her. I'm not jealous of their talent because I could play circles around Nick and Kevin and I'm not even that skilled yet. They cause people to think that their recycled, boring and edited-up-the-asshole-with-a-tree "music" is Rock.

And to be honest, if you're a Jonas Brothers fan you've probably stopped reading about 1/8th of the way through and are currently writing me a hate mail.